You come back from the class, the group or the conference. You are a CHANGED WOMAN.
You see it all so clearly: how things were, and how they now will be. Everything you do is infused with your new inspiration: the way you rise in the morning, how you tackle the dishes and the routine that will revolutionize the kids hitting the hay. And then, one of your kids knocks a full glass of juice to the floor. You feel a sharp pang of the old frustrated and impatient you, but in an act of the will you take it with power and poise. Then you remember that the baby is fussy, teething and nursing to no end. There is a flash of annoyance and the familiar feeling of a trap, but you feel your new power and swallow it quickly down as if it won’t add up and consume you. But then, a deeper blade: you hear in your husband’s voice some condemnation for why things aren’t in order. Things are undone or never undertaken and you’ve managed nothing of greatness on the day, much less a shower. And the unspoken word says "So, you’re a changed woman, huh? I’ve heard it all before. We both know you’ll be back to your old mess soon, so trash that fantasy that you were going to wear a cape and accomplish anything! Add so the cycle of would-be transformation plays out again and again. And each time you’re brought shocked and reeling back to your old reality… Each time you hit the end of the tether you thought you’d broken… You’re tempted to believe that maybe your true place is here in the mud after all. Maybe motherhood is just so messy that you should wallow and sulk. Something shrivels inside and the callous around you thickens. But know this: you, there in the mud isn’t proof of failure, or some indicator of your "true place in the world." You've just failed (so far) to anchor that transformation properly. You must consummate the feeling of transformation with the acts of transformation and you need true FORMATION to learn to gracefully do that. At any age and any stage you can stand on the mountain and rise up from the pit. I live it and love it and will show YOU, yes you, HOW! Get ready, Rebecca
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AuthorRebecca Dussault Archives
April 2023
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